Understanding Attraction & Chemistry (Without Losing Your Mind)

Let’s talk about it. That electric pull. The head-spinning eye contact. The random person who walks into the room and you just know something’s going on.

We’ve all been there—spinning out over someone who may or may not have said more than three words to us. Suddenly, your brain is running a full-blown psychological profile. You’re playing back every micro-expression like it’s game tape. You feel something. You swear they felt it too. But… did they?

Let’s back up.

What is Chemistry, Actually?

It’s a cocktail of hormones (dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline), projection (yes, that too), timing, fantasy, unresolved inner patterns, and sometimes—just plain old physical attraction. But when you’re in it, it feels like fate. It feels like your soul remembered something your brain hasn’t quite put into words yet.

The body picks up on micro-signals—body language, tone, presence—way before the mind catches on. It’s primal. It’s quick. But it’s also easily misinterpreted. Chemistry is not a lie—but it’s not always the truth either. It’s a messenger. A signal. A flicker of potential. But it’s not a green light to abandon all logic, standards, or self-worth.

Attraction Isn’t Always About Them

Sometimes, it’s about you. A part of you that’s waking up. A longing being mirrored. A pattern being replayed. Or a new part of you trying to come alive. That’s why it feels so intense. That’s why it’s so distracting. The other person becomes the screen you project onto—but the movie is yours.

Let’s say you’re in a chapter of life where you’ve started taking up more space, where you’re feeling more confident, more you. Suddenly someone enters your field who feels like they “see” you. But do they? Or do you finally see yourself—and they just happen to be the witness?

This is why you can be wildly drawn to someone who isn’t even aligned with you. Who doesn’t speak your language. Who doesn’t see your depths. Because your nervous system recognizes something familiar, or your soul is trying to break through an old pattern.

Chemistry vs Compatibility

Chemistry can be instant. Compatibility is revealed. Chemistry makes you feel alive. Compatibility lets you feel safe. Chemistry says, “Wow, this is exciting.” Compatibility says, “We can build something solid here.”

The ideal is both. But don’t confuse a spark with a sustainable fire. One will light up a moment. The other will warm you through a storm.

So What Do You Do With That Energy?

Use it. Channel it. Let it teach you. Ask:

• What part of me is waking up?

• What am I hoping they’ll give me?

• Have I felt this before—and how did it end?

• Does this feel expansive or depleting?

You don’t have to shut it down or shame yourself for feeling something. Your body, heart, and soul are allowed to respond to people. You’re human. But you do have to slow down and see it clearly.

Sometimes, the chemistry is mutual and meaningful. Sometimes, it’s just your inner world putting on a firework show. Either way, it’s valuable data.

Before You Spiral Again

Attraction is not a promise. It’s a door. You get to choose whether or not to walk through it. Whether or not to invest your time, your heart, your hopes.

So the next time your stomach flips and your eyes lock with someone across the room, remember: the spark is real—but so are you. You don’t chase the high. You listen to what it’s telling you. Then, you move accordingly—with clarity, dignity, and your sense of self fully intact.