Why Do I Get So Nervous Around My Crush?

Are you having a crush on someone? Yeah, we've all been there. In fact, I am there right now, ugh.

You meet someone. You like them. You’re not even sure how or why, you just do. And suddenly:

• Your hand’s shaking.

• You're stuttering.

• Your voice sounds like it belongs to a different person.

• Your thoughts are trying to sprint while your mouth is still putting on its shoes.

And then you wonder

What the hell is happening? Why do I sound like a complete idiot?!?

You feel fluttered, dizzy, maybe a little stupid — and yet, somehow alive in a way that’s hard to replicate.

So you do what any emotionally self-aware person does.

You spiral into Google at 2:22am and type: “why do I get so nervous around my crush?”

Let’s analyze why this happens, psychologically, neurologically, emotionally. And let’s talk about how to calm the hell down without pretending to be someone you’re not.

Is It Normal to Be Nervous Around Your Crush?

Yes. Deeply, wildly, universally yes. And no, you're not alone.

Our bodies react to emotional stakes just as strongly as physical ones. And when you’re crushing hard, your system interprets the moment like a high-risk social audition.

This isn’t just attraction. This is your brain saying, “This person could change your life. Don’t screw it up.”

(Thanks, brain.)

Why Do Crushes Make Us So Nervous?

It’s not because they’re doing something to you. You’re nervous because of what they represent.

Validation. Connection. Worthiness. Desire. Being chosen. Being enough.

When someone triggers those deeper longings, your nervous system treats it like a critical moment. Your brain enters a state of heightened alert, activating a neurochemical cocktail of dopamine, adrenaline, and cortisol — a deliciously chaotic recipe for emotional combustion.

What Happens to Our Brain and Body Around a Crush

Let’s talk symptoms. Here are some classic nervous around crush signs:

• Shaky hands

• Shallow breath

• Racing thoughts

• Voice cracks

• Sudden self-doubt

• Inability to form a basic sentence

You’re not losing your personality, you’re experiencing a full-blown limbic hijack. Your sympathetic nervous system (aka attraction nervous system) gets triggered, even though there’s no real danger. Just… flirty eye contact.

Your amygdala screams “Be cool!”

Your body goes, “How?”

This is that fight or flight love energy in action.

Why You Don’t Feel Like Yourself

One of the strangest, most disorienting parts of having a crush is how it hijacks your ability to be… you.

You think, “If I could just relax, they’d probably like me.”

But instead, your natural rhythm disappears. Your words feel stiff. Your voice isn’t even your voice. And suddenly, you’re curating every blink, breath, and syllable like you’re directing a movie in real time.

So what’s actually happening?

Here’s the truth: your nervous system is responding to perceived social evaluation.

You’re no longer grounded in your own internal compass.

You’re now seeing yourself from outside yourself, through their imagined lens.

This is called “self-objectification” in psychology.

And it often happens when we feel like we’re being judged, even subtly. Your brain shifts from experiencing the moment to monitoring your performance within it.

You start thinking:

• “How do I sound right now?”

• “Did they think that was dumb?”

• “Am I being too much? Not enough?”

This self-surveillance activates your prefrontal cortex in overdrive (your analytical mind), while your limbic system (your emotion center) is already on high alert. It’s like trying to dance while narrating every step out loud.

And when you’re in that state — scanning, evaluating, anticipating — you can’t access the relaxed, present, funny version of you. The part that flows. The part that connects. And that's a damn shame.

Deep down, here’s what’s really happening:

You’re not trying to connect.

You’re trying to protect.

From what?

From rejection. From embarrassment. From the vulnerable truth that someone else’s opinion feels powerful enough to rattle your sense of self-worth.

You feel scared. Not just of messing up, but of being seen, and possibly not being enough.

But here’s the reframe:

You’re not fake. You’re just adaptive.

You’ve learned to monitor yourself in situations that feel emotionally risky.

And a crush? That’s emotional risk at its most distilled.

How to Not Be So Nervous Around Your Crush

(Or at Least Less Nervous)

First, breathe.

Seriously. You might be tempted to roll your eyes at that advice, but your breath is the remote control to your nervous system. And when you’re nervous around someone you like, your body forgets it has one.

If you’re asking “how to calm nerves around someone you like” or “how to be less nervous around a crush,” that means you’re aware. And that’s the first win, because you can’t regulate what you haven’t noticed.

So what now?

1. Name it, don’t shame it.

The fastest way to lower your emotional intensity is to acknowledge it.

Try saying — in your head — “Hello nerves, I see you.”

This signals to your brain: this isn’t a threat, it’s just energy.

Most people panic about the panic. But when you name the experience, it softens. You’re shifting from being in the spiral to observing it.

2. Feel your body.

When you’re nervous, you leave your body. You shoot up into your head and start spinning out:

“Do I sound okay? Should I say that? Do they notice I’m sweating?”

The antidote? Drop back into your body.

Try this in real time:

• Wiggle your toes inside your shoes.

• Press your fingertips together, slowly and deliberately.

• Feel the weight of your body on the ground or chair.

Even just that can anchor you.

3. Slow your exhale.

Your inhale gets you alert.

Your exhale calms your entire nervous system.

Try this:

Inhale for four counts. Exhale for six.

Do that three times while maintaining eye contact or just listening.

It doesn’t need to be obvious. You can do it mid-conversation. While they’re talking. While you’re smiling. No one needs to know you’re calming your internal chaos like a Jedi.

4. Redirect your focus.

When you’re nervous, your attention gets hijacked by them.

• Do they like me?

• Do I look okay?

• Did that come out weird?

But try flipping the question:

“Do I feel like myself around them?”

This is a powerful reset. You’re no longer measuring your worth based on their reaction. You’re checking in with your own experience. And that’s what real connection is built on — mutual presence, not one-sided approval-seeking.

✨ If you want more tools to stop the spiral and stay in your body when you’re deep in the crush zone, here’s a whole article on how to ground yourself when you’re crushing hard.

A real-life example:

Let’s say you’re standing in a hallway and your crush says hi.

Your heart jumps. Your voice gets tight. You feel like a baby deer in traffic.

Instead of mentally scrambling for something clever, try this internally:

• Breathe out slowly.

• Wiggle your toes.

• Silently say, “I’m safe. I can just be here.”

• Ask them something genuinely curious: “Have you always been into [thing you know they like]?” or “How’s your day going really?”

Even that simple move — grounding your body and asking from presence — brings you back online.

The goal isn’t to eliminate nerves. You’re human. You like this person. Of course you’re fluttered.

The goal is to stay connected to yourself even when you’re nervous.

Because that’s what makes you you, not perfect delivery or flawless wit, but the energy of someone who’s present with themselves no matter who walks into the room.

What to Say to Your Crush (Without Losing Yourself)

I need to get this off my chest. A lot of people are asking me these questions:

How to talk to your crush.

What to talk about with your crush.

What to say to your crush so they like you.

What to talk to your crush about without sounding weird.

Here’s the truth:

What the hell are you trying to come up with a list for?

That’s overthinking. And it’s exactly what pulls you out of presence and into performance.

If you’re trying to construct words ahead of time, you’re not actually talking. You’re borrowing someone else’s lines. And when you do that long enough, you slowly become someone else.

So here’s the radical advice:

Stop.

Be yourself.

Be present.

Say what’s actually on your mind.

Ask what you’re genuinely curious about. Respond how you actually feel. Even if it’s awkward. Especially if it’s awkward. Because if someone only likes the curated version of you, they don’t like you.

And not everyone has to like you.

If they don’t? So what. Move on.

There are literally millions of people on this planet. One human not vibing with you is not the end of the world.

The people who are meant for you? They’ll feel your realness. And they’ll match your energy. No forcing. No fake scripts. Just vibes and honesty.

But … if your brain still won’t stop overthinking?

If you’re like “yeah, I get it… but I still freeze up or spiral when I try”?

I wrote something just for that — not a list of what to say, but a grounded reset for when your mind won’t stop spinning:

👉 How to Talk to Your Crush (Without Overthinking Every Word)

It’s not about crafting the perfect conversation. It’s about staying connected to yourself while having one.

Because your words don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be yours.

Final Truth: It’s Not Just About Them

And the biggest plot twist?

Your crush is just the spark. The activation point. The real story is what they’re bringing up in you.

So ask yourself:

• What am I afraid they’ll see?

• What do I hope they validate?

• What story am I telling myself about who I have to be for them to like me?

These questions lead to self-awareness. And that’s the way out of the performance spiral.

What to Do Moving Forward

If you’re shaking like a pelican, you’re not broken. You’re just human. A hopeful, romantic, emotionally-attuned human.

Here’s what to carry forward:

• Be kind to the version of you that still gets fluttered.

• Let your nervousness be a sign that you’re alive, not that you’re unworthy.

• Know that the real magic happens when you stop performing and start connecting.

• Don’t try to be cool. Try to be present.

Because that’s what makes you magnetic. That’s when your true self starts to emerge, nerves and all.

TL;DR: You’re Not Weird. You’re Wired.

Next time you’re Googling “why do I get so nervous around my crush”, remember:

Your body is responding to meaning.

Your brain is lighting up with potential.

You’re not failing, you’re feeling. And feeling, even when it’s chaotic, is proof you’re still open to love. Just don’t let it override the love you already have for yourself.